Good afternoon sisters, getting a late start on
the newsletter, but here it is. What a lovely day.
THOUGHT: “There is a dangerous trap when
tolerance is exaggerated to protect the rights of those whose conduct endangers
the family and injures the rights of the more part of the people. We are
getting dangerously close to the condition described by the prophet Mosiah
[Mosiah 29:26-27] Boyd K. Packer
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
- WARD FATHER 7 SON ANNUAL
CAMPOUT – May 11th & 12th in Lehi. Check flyer
for more details. Questions? Contact Dan Whitehead (822-6455), Michael
Smart (763-0055), or Matt Brady (444-9633)
- GUILT-FREE CELEBRATON OF
MOTHERHOOD by Amy Waldron, Thursday, May 10th at 7 pm., please
fill out one of her success forms and return to Amy by this coming
Sunday if possible.
- Brother Robert Shelton,
our own City Councilman, American Fork City is raising funds for a Learning
Center, on May 19th by the City Library, by having a yard sale.
Please drop your excess things on his porch.
For more information, rob@voteshelton.com - Heather and Jeremy
Fillmore are also having a yard sale to help them raise money to bring
their new daughter home. You can take your excess materials to their home.
- Please be sure and
report your visiting teaching. Due to the number of move ins, there will
be some adjustments to visiting teaching routes. If you happen to have
changes made, please make note of who you will be reporting to. As of this
month of April, report to your usual supervisor.
BIRTHDAYS: May 4th, Penny C. and May 5th
Shoua E.. Happy Birthday to both of you.
For our 5th Sunday lesson, we asked Rebecca
P. to teach from the April Ensign, “Taking Time to Talk and
Listen” , page 10.
Well, since I am Amy S.'s visiting teacher and I
happened to ask if there was anything I can do for you, she said, well, yes,
you can teach our 5th Sunday lesson. From “Daughters in my Kingdom”
page 49 “Articulating Beliefs:
Sister Eliza R. Snow was a gifted writer and
public speaker. She was known by namy as “Zion's poetess” because of her skill
with the English language. She was knowledgeable, organized, faithful,
untiring, unflinching, wise, and articulate, and she followed the promptings of
the Spirit as she helped build the Lord's kingdom. She frequently shared her
knowledge and her testimony, and she encouraged Latter-day Saint women to do the
same in Relief Society meetings—not to depend on other to always teach them.
“Some women felt reluctant and unprepared to
speak in public. Sister Snow gave the following counsel to such sisters: “Do
not let your president have to say all....Has not God endowed you with the gift
of speech?....If you are endowed with the Spirit of God, no matter how simple
your thoughts may be, they will be edifying to those who hear you.”
“Emily S. Richards said that Sister Snow
helped her learn to speak in public: “The first time [she] asked me to speak in
meeting, I could not, and she said, 'Never mind, but when you are asked to
speak again, try and have something to say,' and I did.” Sister Richards
continued to improve in her ability as a public speaker, and in 1889 she spoke
at the National Woman Suffrage Association convention in Washington, D.C.
“A Journalist described Sister Richards as
“trembling slightly under the gaze of the multitude, yet reserved, self
possessed, dignified, and as pure and sweet as an angel...It was not the wo4rds
themselves but the gentle spirit [that] went with the words and carried winning
grace to every heart.”
In a perfect world every child would return home
from school to be greeted with a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies,
a tall glass of cold milk, and a mother ready to take the time to talk and
listen about her child's day. We do not live in a perfect world, so you can
skip the cookies and the milk, if you like, but don't skip the “take the time
to talk and listen.”
Twenty-nine years ago, President James E. Faust
, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, lamented athat families have so
little time together. Think about that—29 years ago—he said in general
conference: “One of the main problems in families today is that we spend less
and less time together...Time together is precious time—time needed to talk, to
listen, to encourage, and to show ow to do things.”
Quote 1 – Dana P:
“The prophet Moses teaches u sin Deuteronomy:
“Thous shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul,
and with all thy might.
“And these words, which I command thee this
day, shall be in thine hearts:
“And thou shalt teach them diligently unto
thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when
thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up”
“And may I add none more: “And when thou
eatest at the dinner table together.”
“If we desire our families to be together,
forever, we begin the process today. Sjpending time talking with our children
is an investment in our eternal family as we walk the path toward etrnal life
together.”
How do we make time or find time?
Micheale C: I gave up doing car pooling so that I could
walk my child to school and have one on one time with them. It was a good way
to spend time together.
Yes, Megan and I have talked about that and that
is also what she decided to do, so that she could spend more time with her
child.
Alisa J: My body gets so tired, that I don't want to be
around the children. We say prayers with them at night and I have to fight it,
the tiredness, so that I can be there for that. It is so important, but not
always easy. It's also a good time to let them talk. One day they will
understand that it can sometimes be such an effort, a constant effort.
Yes, begin now to communicate.
Melissa B: I find that after I fix a nice dinner and we are
at the table, that I have to start asking questions, going around the table to
get them to answer. It is a constant effort to make it happen.
Sally J: It's learning to just listen. They don't need
me to fix “it”. Kids just want to vent and talk and they want me to listen.
It's about getting together.
Lynette: Yes, we want to jump in and solve it. All we
need to do is acknowledge their feelings. “I can see you are really hurting or
angry. How does that make you feel? Ask their opinions They may not want yours.
Using questions can open doors to their feelings. Try to acknowledge how they
are feeling.
Shanel: I used to be a Nazi when it came to bedtime.
They had to be in bed by 8:00 pm. As I have gotten older I have come to realize
that for some of my children, it's a time for them to come alive. To talk at
night. I now allow one of my sons to to open up at nighttime. We will talk and
spend time together. I have had to give up some me time, but it's been worth
it.
Sharon H: I made a dress for my daughter to wear to the
prom and had not finished it yet as of yesterday, so my plan was to work on it
in the morning. Rebecca had a play in the morning and wanted me to go. She said
that all I cared about was football, which is true, but I decided to take time
for her too. So I went to her play. I took time for her, even though I didn't
finished the dress until four. We do have to do stuff with them.
Pat H: Mothers feel bad if they think they are not
communicating as they thought they were. They feel guilty and may even blame
themselves. This week I heard of the suicide of a 15 year boy. He was the
teacher Quorum President, he was working to get his associate degree by the
time he finished high school. He was very communicative, very well liked by his
peers, and yet he put a gun in his mouth and took away his life. His mother
feels such blame, has taken everything upon herself. Even though our children
seem to communicate, there's usually a part of them that is individual and no
one else knows about it. I find that now that my children are in their 40s, are
sharing things they never did before, that they never shared with me before.
Communication is important, but we can't be all things to all children, all the
time and we can't take the blame. I feel bad about the subject of suicide but
children have their agency. We can not take responsibility for everything.
Things happen in this life. We are not perfect.
We can only do what we can.
Karen: As a grandmother, I want to continue to
communicate with my children, but I know that they are so busy. I don't want to
e-mail, or text them. I want to talk with them.
Donna: When I call my children, I say, I miss
those bablies, what are they doing?
Luone: MY father lives quite a distance away. He does
not use a computer, there is bad reception by phone. He doesn't understand
computer, texting, email. He has a hard time hearing. It's very hard for me to
communicate with him.
Karen M: I feel that my kids are not interested in
communicating with me.
Visitor: I have three little girls and am now a single
mom, who works, so I do not have much time with them as I did when I was a stay
at home mom. It's like we get home, do homework, have dinner, bath time and
then off to bed. Every night. I find that if I do eye contact, o down to their
lever, I can see in their eyes that I am getting through and it does make a
difference.
Lynette: I have an elderly aunt that loves getting
mail. She says that nothing is better than getting a mail because they can read
it over and over.
Quote 2 Micheale C:
“Much good comes from talking and the
adversary is aware of the power of the spoken word. He would love to diminish
the spirit that comes into our homes as we talk, listen, encourage each other,
and do things together.
“Satan futilely attempted to prevent the
Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ in this dispensation when he tried to
halt a critical conversation between Joseph Smith and God the Father and His
Son, Jesus Christ.
“In Joseph's words, “Immediately I was seized
upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence
over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak”
“The adversary would love to bind our
tongues—anything to prevent us from expressing verbally the feelings of our
hearts face to face. He delights in distance and distraction; he delights in
noise; he delights in impersonal communication—anything that would prevent us
from the warmth of a voice and the personal feelings that come from conversing
eye to eye.”
Sitting down, making eye contact is more
personable. Teens text, but do not do fact to face contact. You can feel the
l0ve when you do face to face. Have more personal contact.
Sharon H: My dad drives a city bus and I will get on his
bus, stand behind the line and have a 20 minute conversation with him. I love
to take the time to talk with him.
Quote 3: Sally J:
“Ironically, the time when children can
benefit most from their parents' wisdom is often the time when they are least
likely to accept it. Adolescent children, in particular, strive to become
independent, and the urgency of that drive, heightened b the pull of peers and
worldly influence, sometimes draws them away from those who could help them the
most. Sadly, their parents, wanting desperately to help, sometimes watch
helplessly as they make unfortunate mistakes. Headstrong children, bent on
doing things their own way, rebuff the most loving of fathers and mothers.”
Sometimes we are willing to talk, but they are
not.
Visitor: Don't be shocked by what they tell you. A
friend of our daughter was sitting with us at the dinner table and my daughter
started to tell of some of her day's events, something one of the kids at
school had said and this friend gasped that she would tell us such things.
Don't be shocked.
Make it comfortable for them.
Britney: It's important to have empathy for them. Give
them choices, they will feel more independent. It's a lot easier for them to
talk to me. One of my boys went to school in his pajamas because he wasn't
ready on time. He didn't like being in his pajamas. One night they decided they
wanted to stay up all night and I let them,but they still had to get up the
next morning to go to school.
Sometimes we need to change.
I have some quotes that I read from two
articles. One is Talking with teens, by C Ross Clement, June 2005 Ensign and in
the New Era “How to Talk to Your Parents” by Shanna Butler, June 2005.
Talking with Teens
“Communication includes every thought,
feeling, act, or desire that is shared verbally and nonverbally between parents
and children. It is imossible not to communicate. With no real effort, people
effectively communicate who they are and how they feel about things. As
President Spencer W Kimball observed, “Our expressions, our voice tones, our
movements, our thoughts betray us. The greatest influence we can exert on our
children occurs when our words and actions flow untainted from the purity of
our hearts.
“As parents we sometimes need to re-evaluate
the way we relate to our children. Sometimes a change of heart is needed before
good communication is possible. Some parents drive their chidlren away through
lecturing, moralizing, interrogating, judging, condemning, threatening,
blaming, criticizing, and ridiculing.
Help your kids be more Christlike. Clean the
inner vessel first. Change our hearts and learn our children' needs more.
Sally J: My dad is now 48 years old and even though he
doesn't think he was a lecturer, he was. Everything was about spirituality. We
went on vacation one years and he let that go by the wayside. We started doing
tongue twisters. He could laugh and have fun with us. I felt more close to him.
Micheale: I learned to change my whole perspective. I
need to be a mom they need me to be. I have one child that is more independent
and one that needs more help. Who's needs am I meeting?
Trina S: My kids are spread out, my oldest was 16 when my
baby6 was born. They would come to me and say don't tell Dad, we want to talk
in confidence. I would say, there are so secrets between your dad and me. Dad
has to know. Sometimes their eyes would tell me more than what they said. They
felt more comfortable with me, but dad still had to know.
They had a comfort zone with mom. Show love, let
them know we are inteerested.
Quote 5: Holly M.
“One Latter-day Saint father said: “I do a
greater amount of good when I listen to my children than when I talk to
them...I have gradually learned that my children don't want my ready-made,
time-proven, and wise answers...To them, being able to ask their questions and
to talk about their problems is more important than receiving answer. They have
already found their answer “
“It takes time to focus on the things that
matter most. Talking, listening, and encouraging do not happen quickly. They
cannot be rushed or scheduled—they happen best along the way. They happen when
we do things together: work together, create together, and play together. They
happen when we turn off media, put down worldly distractions, and focus on each
other.”.
Get rid of the distractions in our lives. I'm
grateful for preparing this lesson because I have learned a lot. We were on
vacation last week and I found myself talking to my kids differently, getting
more of their feelings.
Have a great week and don't forget to visit the
RS blog. Http://manila12thwardrs.blogspot.com
“
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